Them New Doctors Is Just Awesome

 Old Ephrem, an old buddy of mine had a gall bladder problem a while back and his kids tuk ‘im inta th’ hospital ta git it took care of.
Well, it seems like the operation went well, the gall bladder wuz removed and ol’ Ephrem was glad ta git rid of it.
After the operation, the doctor insisted that Ephrem be walked around the hospital the next day after surgery, ta’ keep his veins frum formin’ blood clots in his legs.
So the nurses walked ol’ Ephrem up n’ down the hall, past other patient’s rooms, as the doc ordered.
Because of the pain, ol’ Ephrem didn’t care none fer this.
After about three days of this, the nurse told how ol’Ephrem cussed an’ complained ever’ time they took him out fer a walk. The doc told the head nurse ta keep on a-walkin’ im, so she did, whether Ephrem wanted ta’ walk or not.

In a week, the doc said the patient could go home and relax in his easy chair, so that afternoon, his kids came to pick up ol’ Ephrem but first they went to thank the surgeon for all he had done for their dad.
The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation but he had been lucky to get him in time.
“But doc,” said the son, “Pa wuz throwed by a horse and he ain’t walked in more’n a year!”
            

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What Language Do We Speak?

Well, the ol’ congress folks never let me down. That is, as fer as knowing the outcome of ever’ thang they do, before they do it.
I knew they didn’t have the guts to follow through on the “English as a National Language” Bill.
They just go so fer n’ then the feet start a-gittin’ cold. Their knees commence to shakin’. They so a-feared they gonna’ hurt somebody’s feelin’s and they won’t git their vote. Well one thang they ain’t done yet, is give foreigners and illegals the vote. But it ain’t cause they ain’t tried.
These sissified, whipped politicians just ain’t got what it takes to sit where they’ve been elected. Most of ‘em shouldn’t be there, in the first place.
Hell, we don’t have a language and when you think about it, we don’t even have a name. What’s our name? Ameica? So is South America, Central America. We all have the same name. Let’s not only git our own language and call it American English, let’s get a name for our country. What are we? The United States of North America?
We almost had a language of our own; just like every other country on earth. Ah suppose we do, but it shore is hard fer me ta’ speak it.....

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On Them Illegals Demonstrations

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On Exercisin'

Ain’t it the Truth?

I wuz jest-a-thinkin’ the other day when I wuz a-watchin’ how the girl bird makes th’ boy bird sit in th’ nest on them eggs til they hatch. She treats ‘im like he wuz a second-class citizen and ah reckoned as how he could leave her anytime he wanted to. And then Ah wondered why didn’t he?
This reminded me of a couple I usta know back in the country.
He couldn’t stand her cookin’ so he managed to take her out ta’ eat as often as he could afford it, just ta’ keep from lyin’ to her about how good her suppers were.
Don’t reckon she ever had any idee about what he wuz a-thinkin’.
One time when they wuz out a-eatin’ at this here cafe, the guy kept starin’ at this here drunken woman at a table across the room.
‘Course the wife wanted to know why he wuz a-starin’ so hard at this here female lush.
“She’s my ex-wife and she’s been drinking like that since I dumped her seven years ago.”
The wife looked at th’ happy-go-lucky woman and said, "That's unbelievable. I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

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